Van Helen

I was at a seminar the other day.

The instructor was a nice lady. Very confident personality, which I generally appreciate in a woman. She did a good job in the presentation and you could tell she really believes in her material.

However…. her name was Helen.

Of course there is nothing at all wrong with the name Helen, other than the fact that when I jotted down her name in my notebook, it looked a lot like “Halen”

Which obviously brought Van Halen to mind.

Which obviously distracted me for the rest of the day.

Which obviously resulted in my picturing Helen in metallic tiger-striped stretch pants.

Which obviously did not quite work with the sensible shoes and maroon blouse.

Once I’ve crossed a certain point there’s no going back either… so not only was I obsessing about the stretch pants, but also had to jot down any remotely-hair-metal reference that came up during the seminar.

Like when she mentioned Lifehouse for example. (Come to find out Lifehouse isn’t really a hair metal band at all, but more of a Christian-crossover-adult-alternative deal… which makes them just slightly more ridiculous than hair metal as far as I’m concerned)

Or when quoting Genesis (as in The Bible, not Peter Gabriel or Phil Collins) she said “Bone of my Bone,” which I can’t say for sure is the name of a metal band, but most definitely should be.

What I imagined could be the “hit” single from Bone of my Bone came up later in the day when Helen (somehow?) uttered the phrase “When a Python Eats a Baby.”

Oh man… that’d make a heckuva 80s music video if there ever was one.