Since I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2000, I’ve had several occasions when I wondered if I might die…
If I’d be alive the next day, week, month, or year…
But only one time did I actually think, “this is it.”
It was around February, a very depressing time of year in northern Michigan… gray, cold, wet…
I was home with my family recovering from a round of chemotherapy and the long trip back from the Cleveland Clinic.
I came down with a cold.
When you’re on chemo, a cold can kill you… and the way I felt (physically), I thought this one just might.
I even snapped at my wife, who was dying a bit herself, trying to take care of me.
The next Sunday, we somehow dragged ourselved out of the house to get to church…
I have no idea what the songs or the sermon were that day.
I do remember that on our way out the door, our pastor stopped us… he could tell I was hurting.
He asked “Do you want to blame God?”
I didn’t really.
He said, “Go ahead! He can handle it!”
It gave whole new meaning to “casting your cares” upon God.
The freedom to unleash my anxiety and frustration and fears and death and whatever…
And not just “trust” God with those things, but to really let him have it.
It just may have saved my life.